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Opinion

Happy holidays, Merry Christmas & Happy New Year from the Tucson Sentinel!

More by Dylan Smith

Whether you celebrate a specific holiday or prefer to mark the longer nights and chillier days of winter in some other way, as we near the end of the year, you have the best wishes of all of us at the Tucson Sentinel.

2021 started with promise, but not all of those hopes have come true. For too many, this past year was even more of a trial than the one before it. For others, we're grateful that we've overcome challenges, remained healthy, sustained ourselves and our families, been able to continue living well despite some small sacrifices on everyone's behalf.

While many in Arizona and around the country are hunkered down for yet another holiday, the entire Sentinel team hopes your next several days are still bright and warm, a time of joy and renewal, and sharing simple pleasures with your loved ones and community — and that the New Year brings good tidings for us all.

From everyone at the Sentinel, have a very happy holidays! Be well, all. Stay safe and healthy, and keep your noses clean (and covered!).

gratefully,

Dylan Smith
Editor & Publisher
TucsonSentinel.com

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The fine print

PLEASE ACCEPT with no obligation - implied, implicit, inferred, contrived or obliquely winked - our qualified non-denominational BEST WISHES for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible and responsibly socially and physically distanced, properly masked and handily scrubbed, Zoom-meeting-freeze free, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the time period generally coinciding with the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable - if any - traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all... and a fiscally successful, Maslovianly fulfilling, personally safe and universally healthy, Gannett, Lee, Gatehouse and Alden Global Vampire Fossil Media-free and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2022, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the Western Hemisphere (Mexico is thinking of changing its name, but they'd only be dropping "United States," which isn't something (isn't that something? — I just wanted to triple-down on the parentheticals here) that many have found all that confusing, unlike this Morlockian thicket of parenthetical asides) or that America ever stopped for a moment being great, not that it/we couldn't be even greater if we wanted to be and put our shoulders to the wheel while picking up each other's bootstraps, also, if your calendar only lasts another couple of days, you might want to pick up one of those promos from a tool company or something (do tool companies still put out calendars, or am I just showing my age? Come to think of it, with #MeToo and all, maybe skip that sort. Does Hotel Congress still sell those groovy calendars? Do calendars still exist or are we just caught in a forever repeating March 2020?), or maybe just use iCal. Google Calendar kinda sucks, doesn't it?), and without regard to the gender, sexual preference or lack thereof, ability to attract or retain interest from a member and/or members of the gender you prefer, if any, race, creed, color, age, height, weight, visual acuity, batting average, choice of Pfizer, Moderna or J&J, which arm you got your shots in, poll standing with likely 2024 Iowa caucus voters, desire to be appointed to the U.S. Senate or whichever other seat becomes open between when this is typed and the day we're actually able to again host a party, possession of legal documentation beyond an obviously faked Hawaiian birth certificate (or is that Canadian? Canadien, even?), whether you've tried to make your name sound less Spanish or given yourself a Mexican nickname despite being white AF (no standing on tables at this party, please), language spoken at home, employment status, marital status, javascript library preference, adherence to a particular php coding style, physical ability, religious faith, steadfast faith in a heretofore pathetic National League baseball team, whether you always drink beer or only do so when a boring old dude who's just pretending to be Latino offers you one, experience in Linotype operation, views on the viability of Baja Arizona as a state, acceptance of the Torah, Gospels, Bhagavad Gita, Mishefa Res, Sharia, Shania or Shakira law or the lyrics of the Sidewinders' "We Don't Do That Anymore" (We don't call 'em the Sand Rubies 'round here, and man, that was a great 30th anniversary show!) as the legitimate basis for civil and/or criminal legal procedures, or choice of computer platform of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms and agree to be bound by them in perpetuity, or until Doug Ducey figures out which side of the fence he'll fall toward as he dizzily fantasizes about which office he wants to run for next — or at least picks up the phone when Donald Trump is calling, Martha McSally announces which election she wants to lose next, Rodney Glassman shakes somebody's hand without looking over their shoulder for somebody better to talk to (we already know which election he wants to lose next), and that Trump guy sadly emailing out some even more bizarre conspiracy fantasy about how he's just the most put-upon soul in all of history, and the Broadway widening project makes some real paving progress (really, just go with the "until the end of time," then — and note we didn't even conceive of the Broadway widening ever, ever, ever ending ... seriously, this clause has been in this thing for like a freaking decade now — long enough that there are about two businesses on that stretch that were there when they started ripping things up and still have their lights on. Anyway, the Rosemont Mine will probably get finished before that does.). This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal at any time for any reason whatsoever at the sole discretion of the wisher. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law (Snowflake, Saddlebrooke, Seligman, Colorado City, Florence, or any other place where the clocks stopped 57 years ago), and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual, reasonable application of good tidings for a period not to exceed one calendar year (sigh, back to that bit again) plus one-to-three days grace period, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, and said warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is not covered by Apple Care, whatever corporate settlement that Nunchaku-boy Brnovich keeps bragging about, as if he had anything really to do with it and it didn't take filling out confusing online forms to get a $7 check, HIPAA, HIPPA, HIPPO, diFilippo, ELO, REO Speedwagon or the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. If it were, the GOP would be about to have it tossed out, which would be a real War on Christmas, wouldn't it? And why do Republicans hate Apple? If you wish to file a complaint about this wish, please do so in quadruplicate and hand it in at one of those fake "legislative hearings" that Mark Finchem's campaign puts together, and get it done before Dec. 31, using a text message or via a Facebook chat or something that's sure to get sent to congressional investigators. Don't worry, they won't tell anybody about it, or leak it to a reporter. If you want to find out who else has filed complaints, you'd better make a healthy contribution to the TucsonSentinel.com legal fund (and remember, donating is more than a "construct"). Any litigation arising from the issuance or performance of these holiday greetings must be filed and heard in the High Court of the North Pole. Sadly, Santa has a mixed record on sunshine laws, the tubby bastard. If any portion of this wish shall be held unenforceable in a court of law, the remaining terms of this wish shall remain in force. Come to think of it, the bits about primary voters, computer platforms and baseball teams are already null and void, so there.

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