Claytoonz: Roger Stone's constitutional irony

I had this idea a couple months ago and put it aside. I may have even included it in one of my batches of roughs, so it’s possible you’ve already seen this idea. But after passing it over, I decided to save it for another day. I knew it was going to come up. I knew one of the Trump goons would testify and invoke his Fifth Amendment rights. Yesterday, that happened.

First, in case you’re a dum-dum, then you need to know what rights and protections are included in the Fifth Amendment. There are five. It gives you the right to a fair trial. It gives you the right to a jury trial. It protects you from double jeopardy (can’t be tried for the same crime twice). It protects you from the government taking your property without compensation. Finally, it protects you from self-incrimination.

Self-incrimination is when you open your mouth and rat on yourself, often unintentionally. If you’re stupid, you really want to plead the Fifth. Pleading the Fifth is what you do instead of answering a question from a cop, or in a courtroom setting…or while testifying before a congressional hearing.

Instead of refusing to appear before the January 6th committee like his fellow Trump goons, Mark Meadows and Steve Bannon, Roger Stone chose to testify before the committee.

Roger Stone was Nixon’s fixer and then became Trump’s. He’s a dirtbag. He likes being a dirtbag. He recently offered to freeze his sperm for far-right racist democracy-hating conspiracy theorist antiSemitic Islamophobic Laura Loomer, who’s written hate pieces for Infowars and has been banned from everything from social media platforms to food apps (Uber probably won’t deliver to her house), Laura Loomer. she even got banned from CPAC. She called the 2019 Women’s March a “Nazi Organization,” and was taken away by security while shouting, “What about the Jews?” She once protested a Mexican restaurant for it being a Mexican restaurant.

Apparently, Roger Stone and Laura Loomer are planning to make the anti-Christ. There is a demon sperm! But how icky is Laura Loomer if even Roger Stone refuses to crawl on top of her?

Also, the next time the federal government has to raid Roger Stone’s house (yes, the next time because it’s happened before), I highly recommend, implore even, that the search team wear hazmat suits, maybe double up even. I would rather wade through flaming toxic sewage laced with ketchup while listening to Nickelback than have to handle Roger Stone’s frozen sperm. The only element more dangerous than Roger Stone’s frozen sperm is Roger Stone’s unfrozen sperm. If that shit’s in Florida, then we might just have to eradicate the entire state of Florida.

Stone testified before the committee for less than 90 minutes. It was that quick because he refused to answer any questions as he pleaded his Fifth Amendment right not to self-incriminate. And, that is his right.

Stone came out of the hearing lashing out at the committee. He said he invoked his Fifth Amendment right because “I am fully aware of the House Democrats’ long history of fabricating perjury charges.”

That’s a funny comment coming from a goon who committed perjury before Congress. Stone was convicted in federal court of obstructing Congress by lying about his efforts to contact WikiLeaks on behalf of the Trump 2016 presidential campaign. The Justice Department, Trump’s Justice Department, successfully argued Stone lied to Congress to protect Trump. Then, William Barr took over Trump’s Justice Department and tried to drop everything against Stone AFTER he was convicted. And then Donald Trump pardoned Roger Stone.

Yesterday, Roger Stone told the press, “I stress yet again that I was not on the Ellipse. I did not march to the Capitol. I was not at the Capitol and any claim, assertion, or even implication that I knew about or was involved in any way whatsoever with the illegal and politically counter-productive activities of January 6, is categorically false."

Roger Stone is a liar. He’s always been a liar and he always will be a liar.

Roger Stone was in the capital on January 6. He hired (or they volunteered) Oath Keepers, a white nationalist hate group involved in the attack on the Capitol, as his personal security. Roger Stone promoted his appearance at a “Stop the Steal” rally on January 6 and raised money for it. Before the march to the Capitol, he stated his purpose there was to “”lead a march to the Capitol.”

It’s like Austin Powers’ Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger Pump. “This is my bag, baby.” Committing an insurrection with white nationalists in order to overturn a democratic and fair election in order to destroy democracy and install a fascist unelected dictator is Roger Stone’s bag baby.

And that’s where the irony comes in. Roger Stone, like a coward, uses the very Constitution he tried to destroy to protect him.

I want our Constitution to give Roger Stone every right he’s entitled to… and I want the laws within the Constitution to put Roger Stone, and all his fellow goons, in prison. There’s no pardon for Roger Stone this time.

Also, go watch The Omen. Don’t say I did not warn you.

Music note: I listened to Verbena while drawing today’s cartoon.