Now Reading
Claytoonz: Grinchy Rand Paul

Note: This story is more than 1 year old.

Claytoonz: Grinchy Rand Paul

Fun fact: Rand Paul is a jerk.

When Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul isn’t screaming lies and conspiracy theories at Dr. Anthony Fauci, he’s blocking disaster relief…at least to states that are not Kentucky. How much do you have to suck to be the most despised senator from your state even when the other senator is Mitch McConnell?

Rand Paul likes to argue he’s consistent in denying disaster relief to places hit by hurricanes, places such as Puerto Rico, Louisiana, Florida, Texas, New Jersey, New York, California, etc, etc. But he’s not consistent as he’s demanding disaster relief for his Kentucky after it was hit by tornadoes earlier this week. Maybe he voted for this one because he’s afraid that if he didn’t, his neighbor would kick his ass again.

During debates over disaster relief (yes, they had to debate this) for Texas, Florida, and Puerto Rico, Paul said, “People here will say they have great compassion and they want to help the people of Puerto Rico, the people of Texas, the people of Florida, but notice they have great compassion with someone else’s money. Ask them what they’re doing to help their fellow man.” Uh, by giving them disaster relief, you stupid fuck. That’s how they’re helping their fellow man…which is something they were elected to do. Rand Paul believes he was elected to be the nation’s number one asshole.

I suppose Rand Paul has finally found “great compassion with someone else’s money.” Rand Paul only wants to help Americans who are eligible to vote for him. If only there was a way we could single out who voted for who, so we give aid only to those who voted for the right candidate. Politicians, you serve every one of your constituents, even the ones who didn’t vote for you…or think you’re a dickless MAGAt lickspittle with your head up a giant orange ass.

The first relief package during the coronavirus pandemic passed in the Senate in March 2020 with only one senator voting against it. I’ll give you one guess who that senator was (hint: he’s an asshole). Rand Paul also voted against aid for first responders who are still struggling with health problems from 9/11. How much federal medical insurance money do you think Rand Paul is going to demand for all the brain cells he burned out while his head was up Donald Trump’s ass?

Rand Paul claims he votes against federal assistance for people who aren’t eligible to vote for him because the money has to be borrowed. But where is the money coming from to provide disaster relief to Kentucky? Hell, where did the money come from to pay for Trump’s billionaire asshole tax cuts in 2017 that Rand Paul voted for? It didn’t come from inside Trump’s ass and Paul should know because that’s where his head’s been.

It’s not just Paul who’s a hypocrite here. In 2019, 43 of the 58 GOP House members who voted against a $19-billion disaster relief bill had earlier “demanded or endorsed emergency aid funding for their own states.” I apologize for using “asshole” for the hint to the previous question because there are a LOT of Republican assholes in Congress.

In 2013, a $50.5-billion relief package for Hurricane Sandy, which hit liberal Yankee states such as New Jersey and New York, was opposed by 39 Republicans in the Senate. Of those 39, 31 had demanded disaster aid for their own states. It’s kinda like when during the pandemic, Trump and his idiot son-in-law, one-half of Javanka, only wanted to help states that voted for Trump.

Here’s another fun fact: Of the states who receive the most federal aid than they kick into the federal government, Kentucky is in 6th place. For every dollar Kentucky sends to the federal government, they get back $2.25. The state’s dependency score is 54.5 percent according to Moneygeek. Out of the top 10 states that are most dependent, eight of them are Republican states. They keep voting for politicians who are anti-government spending while they’re the fattest pigs at the trough. The most welfare-dependent states are Republican states. Weird how that works out.

Kentucky, don’t thank Rand Paul for the aid you’re receiving. Thank President Joe Biden. That’s who Mitch McConnell is thanking. He tweeted, “Thank you @POTUS for your rapid approval of Kentucky’s Major Disaster Declaration. I appreciate the Administration’s quick work to speed resources to help deal with this crisis.” You can also thank Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear who made the quick request.

If you’re in one of the eight states hit by these tornadoes, you can apply for disaster relief by clicking here. You can also call 1-800-621-FEMA. Hopefully, Rand Paul doesn’t answer the phone.

Music note: Today’s drawing music was the Beastie Boys.

Clay Jones is the 2022 recipient of the RFK Human Rights Journalism Award in Editorial Cartooning, and won a 2021 Sigma Delta Chi Award for Excellence in Journalism from the Society of Professional Journalists. He was a finalist for the Herblock Prize in 2019 and a finalist for the National Headliner Award in 2020. See more award-winning editorial cartoons from him at

— 30 —

Top headlines

Best in Internet Exploder