You're invited: Support local independent journalism at TucsonSentinel.com's holiday shindig

PLEASE JOIN US FOR A CELEBRATION of whatever it is you/we/they celebrate this time of year — especially a belated 228th birthday of the Bill of Rights (Dec. 15), or the impending tenth (!) birthday of TucsonSentinel.com (Jan. 22).

We'd like to get together with those who contribute their time, talents, money, comments and good wishes to our project, and thank you all for your continuing support.

We look forward to seeing you, and raising a glass to the season and to our freedoms — especially a free press. And while you're toasting, PLEASE HELP US KEEP YOUR LOCAL NONPROFIT INDEPENDENT NEWS SITE AROUND for another year, with your TAX-DEDUCTIBLE GIFT: http://www.tucsonsentinel.com/opinion/report/110119_newsmatch

And here's an important section of this annual missive: When you donate anytime during December, YOUR GIFT to support local nonprofit news will be MATCHED, dollar-for-dollar, by the special NewsMatch program.

This important initiative to strengthen selected nonprofit newsrooms is funded by a group of national foundations including the John S. and James L. Knight Foundation, Democracy Fund, Ethics and Excellence in Journalism Foundation, Facebook Journalism Project, and others. This is a great opportunity to help us produce more of the strong accountability journalism you have come to expect from TucsonSentinel.com. So put Pierre Omidyar's money to work here in Tucson, and help out your authentically local nonprofit news site:

Subscribe and stretch your donation over time:

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$40/mo. Correspondent
$50/mo. Senior Correspondent
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Or give a secure one-time gift with PayPal or your credit card:

$5,000 Newshound
$2,500 Trusted Source
$1,000 Copy Desk Chief
$500 Correspondent
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Thus: PLEASE ACCEPT with no obligation - implied, implicit, inferred, contrived or obliquely winked - our qualified non-denominational BEST WISHES for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the time period generally coinciding with the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable - if any - traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all... and a fiscally successful, Maslovianly fulfilling, personally safe, Gannett, Lee and Gatehouse-free and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2020, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the Western Hemisphere (Mexico is thinking of changing its name, but they'd only be dropping "United States," which isn't something (isn't that something? — I just wanted to triple-down on the parentheticals here) that many have found all that confusing, unlike this Morlockian thicket of parenthetical asides) or that America ever stopped for a moment being great, not that it/we couldn't be even greater if we wanted to be and put our shoulders to the wheel while picking up each other's bootstraps, also, if your calendar only lasts another couple of days, you might want to pick up one of those promos from a tool company or something (do tool companies still put out calendars, or am I just showing my age? Come to think of it, with #MeToo and all, maybe skip that sort. Does Hotel Congress still sell those groovy calendars?), or maybe just use iCal. Google Calendar kinda sucks, doesn't it? Anyway, c'mon down and put your suggestion for how we should rename Thanksgiving into the Pilgrim hat), and without regard to the gender, sexual preference or lack thereof, ability to attract or retain interest from a member and/or members of the gender you prefer, if any, race, creed, color, age, height, weight, visual acuity, batting average, poll standing with likely Iowa caucus voters, desire to be appointed to the U.S. Senate or whichever other seat becomes open between when this is typed and the day of the party, possession of legal documentation beyond an obviously faked Hawaiian birth certificate (or is that Canadian? Canadien, even?), whether you've tried to make your name sound less Spanish or given yourself a Mexican nickname despite being white AF (no standing on tables at this party, please), language spoken at home, employment status (but bring a couple of bucks for a beer, at least. Sheesh, it's a party at a bar. And tip like a grownup, really — and hey, here's another plug for you to support Tucson's only locally owned independent nonprofit news organization: http://www.tucsonsentinel.com/opinion/report/110119_newsmatch/your-gift-doubled-real-local-journalism-thats-worth-supporting/. I mean, you've got a job, right? Help us keep ours.), marital status, javascript library preference, adherence to a particular php coding style, physical ability, religious faith, steadfast faith in a heretofore pathetic National League baseball team, whether you always drink beer or only do so when a boring old dude who's just pretending to be Latino offers you one, experience in Linotype operation, views on the viability of Baja Arizona, acceptance of the Torah, Gospels, Bhagavad Gita, Mishefa Res, Sharia, Shania or Shakira law or the lyrics of the Sidewinders' "Witchdoctor" as the legitimate basis for civil and/or criminal legal procedures, or choice of computer platform of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms and agree to be bound by them in perpetuity, or until Frank Milstead gets a speeding ticket (pretty much "forever" then, right? The bio of "The Colonel" on the DPS website is a hilarious jambalaya of organizational gibberish, by the way: "Colonel Milstead employs and cultivates an inspiring work environment through interpersonal relationships and open, transparent communication."), Jan Brewer regains her train of thought, Martha McSally figures out whether she's sending a text message or talking on her phone while walking briskly away from needling activists, a day passes without Chuck Huckelberry sending a lengthy memo or Donald Trump tweeting some even more bizarre conspiracy theory about how he's just the most put-upon soul in all of history, and the Broadway widening project begins (really, just go with the "until the end of time," then — and note we didn't even conceive of the Broadway widening ever, ever, ever ending ... seriously, this clause has been in this thing for like a freaking decade now, and they haven't even started yet. Anyway, the Rosemont Mine will probably get finished before that does.). This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal at any time for any reason whatsoever at the sole discretion of the wisher. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law (Snowflake, Saddlebrooke, Seligman, Colorado City, Florence, ISIS-controlled territory (or is that ISIL, or IS?, — but that latter abbreviation makes for confusing headlines, just like taking the periods out of U.S. and typing in title case can do. What is Aleppo? In any case, let's just make sure the Kurds get screwed.)), and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual, reasonable application of good tidings for a period not to exceed one calendar year (sigh, back to that bit again) plus one-to-three days grace period, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, and said warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is not covered by Apple Care, whatever corporate settlement that Brnovich keeps bragging about, as if he had anything really to do with it and it didn't take filling out confusing online forms to get a $7 check, or the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. If it were, the GOP would be about to have it tossed out, which would be a real War on Christmas, wouldn't it? And why do Republicans hate Apple? If you wish to file a complaint about this wish, please do so in quadruplicate with the District 1 supervisor's office, using a text message or via a Facebook chat or something. Don't worry, they won't tell anybody about it. If you want to find out who else has filed complaints, you'd better make a healthy contribution to the TucsonSentinel.com legal fund (and remember, donating is more than a "construct"). Any litigation arising from the issuance or performance of these holiday greetings must be filed and heard in the High Court of the North Pole. Sadly, Santa has a mixed record on sunshine laws, the tubby bastard. If any portion of this wish shall be held unenforceable in a court of law, the remaining terms of this wish shall remain in force. Come to think of it, the bits about primary voters, computer platforms and baseball teams are already null and void, so there.

Come celebrate the holiday season with a few drinks, a bite to eat and lots of healthy conversation! We'll see you at the the Shanty, 401 E. 9th St., on Thursday, Dec. 19, starting around 6 p.m.

— Dylan, Maria, Paul, Blake, Julie and the rest of the TucsonSentinel.com team