Claytoonz: GOP extremists in the House

America returned control of the House of Representatives to the GOP in the midterm elections, despite the fact they’re Republicans. What I mean by that is, Republicans oppose everything the majority of voters in this nation are in favor of.

Most Americans favor democracy and mail-in voting. Most Americans favor ballot drop boxes. Most Americans choose the United States over Russia. Most Americans are in favor of a woman’s right to choose and believe abortion should remain legal in every state. Most Americans support Medicare and Social Security. Most Americans support Obamacare. Most Americans support student debt relief. Most Americans oppose coups and insurrections. Most Americans believe Joe Biden won because most Americans voted for him.

Republicans are also the party of racists, liars, and lunatics. Who do you think the Proud Boys vote for? Who do you think Klansmen and Nazis vote for?

But Republicans ran on a message of fighting crime, reducing inflation, lowering gas prices, and closing our “open” borders (bullshit). This is what a lot of Americans voted for when they voted for a Republican. So what will Republicans do now that they have the power to set the agenda? They’re going to impeach Hunter Biden.

In case you weren’t paying attention during the campaigns for the midterms, and if you voted for a Republican you weren’t, none of the Republicans offered solutions to inflation, high gas prices, crime, or to border issues. Not a single one of them proposed any ideas. They just made a lot of noise about it. What are we going to do about the open border? We’re going to close it. How? By closing it!

And in case you weren’t paying attention to the last time Republicans controlled the House, you’ll remember they don’t know how to govern. I guess you forgot that. What was John Boehner’s greatest legislative accomplishment as House speaker? What was Paul Ryan’s? The biggest legislative achievement in the Trump era when the GOP controlled the House and Senate was to give Trump and other billionaires tax cuts. That was it. They didn’t even fund his wall that Mexico was supposed to pay for.

Now, Republicans have a slim majority which is a huge problem for them. There’s a difference between Democrats having a slim majority and Republicans having one. The Democrats had Nancy Pelosi, who just announced she won’t seek the leadership position in January. But as speaker, Pelosi is the G.O.A.T. She can count votes and herd cats. Even with disagreements and small revolts from the likes of the Squad, Pelosi still got things done. She out-negotiated Donald Trump and kicked his ass repeatedly. Remember when the House voted for Trump’s first impeachment and applause broke out by Democrats until Nancy gave that look? When she gave the mother’s look, the House fell silent. Nancy was the BOSS.

Republicans on the other hand are held hostage to their extremists. Kevin McCarthy has already bent over for the Dum-Dum Caucus, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, Matt Gaetz, and before he was defeated in a primary, Madison Cawthorn.

Despite the slim majority, Republicans can set the agenda and they have subpoena power. So expect subpoenas to be sent out by the very same people who refused to cooperate with an investigation into an insurrection that tried to overturn our government.

Republicans plan to investigate Hunter Biden despite the fact there is already an investigation into him by the Department of Justice and that Hunter has never held a government position. There will NOT be an investigation into Jared receiving $2 billion from the Saudis right after he left his post of making government deals with the Saudis.

The Republicans’ plan to investigate Hunter is strange also because there’s been nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, and nothing at all that implies or suggests President Biden did anything illegal, unethical, or inappropriate when it came to his son’s business dealings. And despite having the laptop in their hands for two years, it hasn’t even given Republicans any evidence that Hunter did anything illegal. But expect them to spend millions of dollars on a two-year investigation that produces nothing. I expect Jim Jordan to chair this one.

I’ve said this before and I’m gonna say it again. Ask any Republican, or Ted “Sputnik boy” Rall, what’s on the laptop.

Instead of investigating Donald Trump’s crime of stealing classified government documents, they are going to investigate the investigators. They did this right after Trump assumed the presidency. Instead of investigating Russian spies and Russian collusion in the Trump Campaign, they investigated the people who investigated Russian spies and Russian collusion in the Trump Campaign. How will the House do this without Devin Nunes, who is now overseeing Truth Social or some shit like that?

They’re going to spend millions investigating the military withdrawal from Afghanistan but ignore that it was negotiated by Donald Trump and the Taliban. This one should be fun and it might be short because there will be Democrats on the committee and one of them might bring up the Trump/Taliban factor.

They’re going to investigate border policies and attempt to impeach Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas.

They’re going to investigate the origins of Covid-19 and I really really really really hope they put Marjorie Taylor Greene on this committee. Since this is starting out with nothing but conspiracy theories, I believe Republicans are dumb enough to give her a seat on the committee. Before she was removed from her committee assignments for endorsing death threats against Speaker Pelosi, MTG, Ms. Jewish Space Lasers, sat on the Education Committee…seriously.

But mostly, when it comes to significant legislation, there will be two years of nothing. Remember that M. Night Shyamalan film “The Happening” where nothing happened? I still wonder how I sat through two hours of a plot about grass ordering humans to kill themselves, but then I remember some fuckers have sat through entire Trump speeches (but in my defense, the grass wasn’t bigoted and ordering only Jews to jump off buildings). But yeah, it’s going to be like that not-happening movie…but for two years. And in 2024, we can point out that the GOP did nothing for two years…except shut down the government which I’m sure they’ll do at least once over some insignificant bullshit (remember when Donald Trump only got a little bit of money for his racist border wall, so he shut down the government, and Pelosi negotiated him into not getting any money for his racist border wall? Ah, good times).

So, expect two years of nothingness except for Republicans shooting themselves in their collective foot….like all the other times voters gave them control of the House since 1994.