A Boehner by any other name...
The fact of the matter is, no matter how many times you say it, Boe is pronounced the same as Toe, Hoe, Doe, Foe, and Poe. So one must wonder, if you are willing to lie about your last name, what else are you willing to lie about?
You are a proud, American Boehner, from a family of Boehners, who probably sailed across some ocean in a boat full of Boehners, waggled across the Great Plains in a stage coach stuffed with Boehners and settled down on a plot of land and begin making little Boehners. You can probably cry about more than just your heartbreaking upbringing working for your father (papa Boehner) and following your dream to someday become an orange guy who says "no" to everything. I'm sure you, as a Boehner, have accomplished so much more in your struggle to become the head of your party.
To get where you are now, you've probably stimulated the imaginations of many patriotic Americans. No doubt you've explored, in depth, the ideas that make this country great. As any great American would, I'm sure you've flirted with the idea of someday becoming the first Boehner in the Oval, and as one of 12 children, fought your way out of being just another Boehner in the crowd.
So be proud, hold your head erect and let the world know that as the Speaker of the House you will stand for what is right, will bow to no one, and if defeated, will not stay down for long. The world, after two years of knowing what a Boehner with power is capable of, will never be the same again. Godspeed!