What the Devil won't tell you
Kari Lake says she's the victim of an Arizona election conspiracy, unless she wins
Kari Lake wants the people of Arizona to know the 2022 Republican primary was likely rigged. She told MSNBC's Vaughn Hillyard that she has proof of that, but she wasn't going to turn over to "MSDNC."
Although she has repeatedly claimed to have evidence of some sort of wrongdoing, she's also repeatedly refused to show it to any reporters, or turn it over to the (Republican) state officials in charge of elections.
People have a right to know just how messed up the state's election system is, if it actually is, don't they? Apparently not.
And now Lake appears to be winning the GOP primary, leading opponent Karrin Taylor Robson by 12,000 votes. Hell, that's enough, for her. She's declared victory. So, hallelujah, the people have spoken. It's clear they want her brand of leadership. Even a lead of just two points is solid enough with an election system this honest. Voters can take it to the bank and cash it. So she would have us believe, now.
Unless she loses. If that happens, Lake will need the Sky Harbor International Airport flight logs to see when that Ukrainian jet landed full of Robson votes printed on Gutenberg Bibles.
Why would they print out votes on the parchment used for the Gutenberg Bible? The same reason China printed fake Biden votes on bamboo paper, duh!
Oh, and tell me, you don't see the connection between Nepalese space lasers, Gutenberg Bibles and bamboo. Sheeple.
Lake said her supporters "outvoted the fraud." But how do we know if the entire system is rife with fraud? How can we be sure?
Because Lake says she won, in her thinking. It's vox populei, vox dei, baby. The will of the of Arizona Republicans has been accurately reflected in the vote count. It's a lock. Twelve thousand votes might as well be 12 million. We can all rejoice.
If she wins Nov. 8, in Lake's world it will be because whatever fraud there is in Arizona's elections, cannot determine the outcome. Her victory would provide a clear and convincing mandate for her to govern as she sees fit because democracy works and we can watch it in action. Right?
Unless Lake loses. In which case, she'll make clear to all that it's obviously because the system is so open to fraud that Nepalese space lasers can beam fraudulent returns into Arizona's 15 counties and used George Soros' computer to do it. It all adds up.
How can Arizonans have faith in the results of the 2022 primary election unless Tom Hanks comes clean about the the whereabouts of his lizard skin on August 2? Lake and her voters have a right to know!
Now if Lake's victory is certified, she will want you to know her triumph is as perfect as a Donald Trump shakedown. To doubt that fact would be to spit in the face of every single one of her voters, who so obviously and legally cast votes for her in a system no one can trust because it's shot through with fraud and (her word) "shenanigans."
Oh, and she prefers teal drapes in the governor's office but exposed concrete in the governor's mansion.
There's no governor's mansion? She'll build one. She's a charlatan of the people.
But if Kari Lake loses, it's all a fake, she'll say. It's all a fraud and the Arizona Legislature will need to rewrite our laws to make sure the 300,000 or so Arizonans who voted for her are not at the mercy of the 6.7 million other Arizonans who oppose her, hate her or have no earthly idea who she is or what she stands for.
But there would be a slight ... well, issue... with her claimed victory. It lingers out there like a gnat buzzing around our ears.
Lake is on the record with the lamestream media about that evidence she supposedly possesses, casting doubt on the accuracy of her possible win. She told her supporters her campaign was dedicated to election integrity because every Arizonan must know the results are secure.
How do we square one with the other? Quite the Gordian knot, wouldn't you say?
Hmm. Oh. I know.
Lake can turn her evidence over to Robson's friend's cousin's nephew. People are saying he has a cyber security firm. They'll climb any mountain to keep data safe. They're called "Cyber Sherpas." It's based in Katmandu.
That's in Nepal. Can't you see the connection?
Blake Morlock is an award-winning columnist, who worked in daily journalism for nearly 20 years and is the former communications director for the Pima County Democratic Party.