Sponsored by

Opinion

Comic:

Claytoonz: 7-37 Republican sex party

There are a lot of places and events I want to stay away from. Papa John’s Pizza, another Trump rally, a Nickelback concert, Sturgis, Mar-a-Lago, any country music concert, Indiana, nightclubs, Cats the musical or movie, rodeos, renaissance fairs, Star Trek conventions, monster truck rallies, and now we can add Republican cocaine-fueled orgies to the list.

Internal White House records turned over to the House committee investigating the attack on January 6, 2021, show a gap of seven hours and 37 minutes. This was partly during the time of the attack on the Capitol building to overturn stop the certification of Joe Biden’s election victory over Donald Trump. Even though there’s a huge gap of no phone calls going in or out of the White House, we know Donald Trump was calling people and taking calls during this time. So, why aren’t they on the record?

The gap is from 11:17 a.m. to 6:54 p.m. Trump gave his speech at noon down the street from the Capitol building. The outer barriers of the Capitol were breached at 1 p.m. The Capitol Police were overrun at the entrance of the building at 1:30 p.m. Around 2 p.m., the Trump terrorists were breaking through the doors and windows. Despite telling the protesters he was going to the Capitol with them, Donald Trump was back at the White House gleefully watching the events unfold on TV. He was also on the phone throughout the attack.

We know during these hours that Trump called Senator Mike Lee, Senator Tommy Tuberville, and House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy. He may have also been on the phone with Congressman Jim Jordan, though he hasn’t been clear on this and has contradicted himself, quite angrily, several times. These phone records are another reason to call Jordan to testify before the committee. When did he talk to Donald Trump? What number did he call to reach Trump? What number did Trump use to call him? Questions, questions, questions.

The House panel is now investigating whether Trump communicated that day through back channels, phones of aides, or personal disposable phones, known as “burner phones.” Trump has been known to borrow phones to make calls.

This gap in time is not a mistake. It’s an intentional coverup, just like when Trump took documents to Mar-a-Lago, ate documents, or flushed them down toilets. The Trump presidency (sic) is the most corrupt presidential (sic) administration in history.

A Trump spokesgoon said Trump had nothing to do with the records. Trump himself issued a statement saying, “I have no idea what a burner phone is, to the best of my knowledge I have never even heard the term.” Basically, that means there’s a cover-up.

Former Trump National Security Adviser John Bolton said Trump knows what a “burner” phone is as they used to talk about them in regards to not having conversations documented. It’s probably a great way to communicate with Nazis and terrorists so law enforcement doesn’t find out, and also a great way to call porn stars so your wife doesn’t find out. I hope he never got those two confused. “Be there at 8 p.m. You bring the tiki torches, I’ll bring the lube.” Oh, yeah. Charlottesville Republican Nazi tiki-torch rally is another event I do not want to attend.

Burner phones are probably also great for when you’re scheduling a Republican cocaine-fueled orgy. Congressman Madison Cawthorn, one of the members of the Stupid Caucus, claims there are cocaine orgies in Washington all the time. Really? And, he claims he’s been invited. Yeah, right.

You would think the first rule of Orgy Club is you don’t talk about Orgy Club. That’s probably the second rule now with the new first rule being don’t invite or tell Madison Cawthorn about Orgy Club.

Cawthorn was on a podcast this week and claimed he’s been invited to orgies and seen politicians do cocaine in front of him.

He said, “The sexual perversion that goes on in Washington, I mean being kind of a young guy in Washington, where the average is probably 60 or 70. You look at all these people, a lot of them that I’ve looked up to through my life, I’ve always paid attention to politics … Then all of a sudden you get invited to, ‘Well hey, we’re going to have kind of a sexual get-together at one of our homes, you should come.’ What did you just ask me to come to? And then you realize they’re asking you to come to an orgy. Or the fact that some of the people leading on the movement to try and remove addiction in our country, and then you watch them do a key bump of cocaine right in front of you.”

First off, orgies are icky…no matter who’s participating in them. But Republican orgies have to be one of the most disgusting things ever, like a nudist Trump rally with penetration. I need brain soap just to clean that image out of my head. I’m sure there’s a lot of perversion in DC, and when I find some, I’ll let you know. It’s also likely Madison Cawthorn has seen some shit, especially since he’s friends with Matt Gaetz, the guy who keeps rubbers in his office, shows nude photos to colleagues on the House floor, and has been credibly accused of sex trafficking minors. But I seriously doubt congressional codgers are inviting Madison Cawthron to orgies. And if there were congressional orgies, a handicapped guy would probably be invited just so nobody can accuse the event of not being inclusive. There should be a city ordinance that all Washington orgies are required to be wheelchair accessible.

How does a conversation start in Washington when you invite someone to a Republican orgy? Does Mitch McConnell approach Madison Cawthorn and say, “You’re invited to an orgy tonight…you’re gonna see my testicles.”

Just because someone has a track record of being a notorious liar doesn’t mean that the truth doesn’t occasionally slip out.

Some Republicans are upset with Cawthorn for saying this because they don’t want to give the impression they’re a bunch of sexual deviants while allowing Qanon to spread the conspiracy theory that Democrats are deep-state reptilian pedophiles. Also, maybe they don’t want Cawthorn telling people about their orgies.

Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy now intends to speak to Cawthorn about this, either to reprimand him for smearing the party or to find out where they’re having these orgies. One GOP representative is claiming his constituents are calling asking about orgies. And if there are Republican cocaine-fueled orgies, has Sniffy ever been invited?

If Trump was ever invited to an orgy and he talked about it, he’d probably boast it was the biggest orgy anyone’s ever seen. “It was yuge…the bigliest ever. There were only nines and tens, no pigs or dogs. I would have invited Ivanka if she wasn’t my daughter.” First rule of Trump Orgy is, Tic-Tacs.

Thanks to our donors and sponsors for their support of local independent reporting. Join Baird Thompson, Robert Phillips, and Bob Kovitz and contribute today!

The GOP is the perversion party. They perverted our elections, our Constitution, law and order, diplomacy, the democratic process, or elections, and even confirming Supreme Court justices. Personally, I don’t care if Republicans are fucking each other because at least that gives them some time away from fucking the rest of us.

And I’m sorry I put the image of Mitch McConnell’s balls in your head. My bad. That’s on me.

Music note: Today’s drawing music was by the Rolling Stones and the Kinks.

Clay Jones is the 2022 recipient of the RFK Human Rights Journalism Award in Editorial Cartooning, and won a 2021 Sigma Delta Chi Award for Excellence in Journalism from the Society of Professional Journalists. He was a finalist for the Herblock Prize in 2019 and a finalist for the National Headliner Award in 2020. See more award-winning editorial cartoons from him at Claytoonz.com.

- 30 -
have your say   

Comments

There are no comments on this report. Sorry, comments are closed.

Sorry, we missed your input...

You must be logged in or register to comment

Read all of TucsonSentinel.com's
coronavirus reporting here »