Claytoonz: Fox on crack

Russian figure skater Kamila Valieva, who is only 15, failed a drug test but will be allowed to compete anyway. Sure, the medication was a performance-enhancing drug, but it’s not like she’s a black athlete caught smoking pot.

Valieva may not be the bad guy in this as it’s possible she wasn’t even aware she was doped, but she may have wondered where all the new and sudden-found stamina and increase in her heart rate came from. Doping is common practice with the Russian Olympic team, so who knows. The defense here is that Valieva accidentally took her grandfather’s heart mediation. I had to live with my grandmother for a few months when I was a child but I don’t recall ever accidentally taking Milk of Magnesia.

The skater is expected to take gold and if she does, there won’t be a medal ceremony…because that would just be embarrassing. What’s the point of doing these drug tests if they’re not going to do anything after finding prohibited stimulants in an athlete’s system? Maybe the International Olympic Committee should come clean and simply state they’re only going to be testing black athletes from now on.

Honestly, with the way they like to root for Russians, display racism, scream about white people being victimized, and their love for bullshit, I’m shocked the heads at Fox News aren’t screaming about the injustice of humiliating Kamila Valieva with a drug test while allowing the Super Bowl Halftime Show to be ruined by an untested Snoop Dogg (I had a cartoon of that on my table, but I chose this over that. It was wordy).

Fox News does love them some bullshit. Right now, the Fox bullshit is that President Joe Biden is going to spend $30 million to distribute free crack pipes. Of course, it’s not true but that hasn’t stopped the Fox fuckers or my conservative colleagues from pushing the propaganda. Cartoonist Gary Varvel, who’s real big on pro-Jesus cartoons, made a crack pipe joke on Hunter Biden. See you in Heaven, Gary. Other far-right white-nationalists cartoonists who’ve jumped all over this talking point are Branco (who also made a Hunter joke) and Tom Stiglich. Ben Garrison drew one under his wife’s name (really) accusing Biden of profiting from Mexican drug cartels while handing out crack pipes for Black History Month (seriously). Gary I-Don’t-Criticize-Tiki-Torch-Nazis McCoy didn’t draw a cartoon on it, but he did share a meme, which is easier than having to draw or use your own brain. Gare Bear, just do what your lazy far-right colleague Bob Gorrell does, just use clipart and pieces of your old cartoons. Why does someone want to be a cartoonist when they don’t want to draw? Now, they’re all off to draw the same cartoon on the Durham report and Hillary spying on Donald Trump.

I digress. But if you’re not an avid viewer of Fox News, Newsmax, One America News, or your favorite goose-stepping senators’ Twitter feed, what you probably said when you first heard about Biden and crack pipes was, “what?” That’s what Hilary, one of my proofers, said. But, she said, even without knowing the Fox crack-pipe lie, the cartoon still works.

So, where did this crack-pipe lie come from? I’m glad you asked. The Department of Health and Human Services announced a federal grant focused on community-based harm-reduction services. The grant would allow organizations like support groups and local governments to receive part of a $30 million fund from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. 

The federal funds are designated for harm-reduction efforts to reduce the illness, injury, and trauma that can come from addiction to stuff like opioids and heroin. These organizations receiving the funds would have three years to spend the money. Some of these organizations may purchase overdose-reversal medications, safe-sex kits, and safe-smoking kits. These kits may include alcohol swabs, lip balm, other materials to promote hygiene and reduce the transmission of diseases like HIV and hepatitis. They will not include crack pipes. Some kits may include rubber mouthpieces to prevent cuts and burns, but no pipes. But for rightwingers, the pipes are calling.

From this, the wingnuts took off. Senator Marco Rubio tweeted, “Biden is sending free meth & crack pipes to minority communities in the name of ‘racial equity.’ There is no end in sight for this lunacy.” It’s true, there is no end in sight for this lunacy.

Senator Tom Cotton sent a racist tweet saying, “Last week, Biden talked about being tough on crime. This week, the Biden Admin announced funds for crack pipe distribution to ‘advance racial equity.'” Republicans believe crack is smoked exclusively by blacks…except Hunter Biden.

Senator Marsha Blackburn sent a letter to Health and Human Services stating, “Government-funded drug paraphernalia is a slap in the face to the communities and first responders fighting against drugs flowing into our country from a wide-open southern border. If this is the president’s plan to address drug abuse, our nation is in serious trouble.” Blackburn gave the department until March 1 to clarify whether the Biden administration is authorizing the distribution of crack pipes or something something something is going to happen.

Justthenews.com posted a headline saying, “Biden administration funding crack pipe distribution, saying it’s needed for racial equity.” Every right-wing propaganda outlet, like The Washington Free Beacon, along with the stupid senators, has made the claim that Biden is handing out free crack pipes for racial equity. Do you hear the dog whistles in that? But neither Biden nor anyone in his administration, has ever made such a claim. Listening to these racist nitwits, you’d think Biden was buying crack pipes in bulk from Costco and throwing them out from the back of a bus while driving through Harlem and Compton.

These right-wingers took a lie, spun it into a conspiracy theory, then laced it with racism. The people too slow to catch the racism in the “racial equity” with free crack-pipes claim are the only people who argue the GOP isn’t racist.

Believe it or not, Rubio, Cotton, and Blackburn are this way without having smoked crack. I don’t know what Tucker’s on.

Music Note: While coloring today’s cartoon, I listened to Eddie Vedder’s new album, “Earthling,” and Beck, and the Supremes.